Zahra Blog

I’ve been at my moms for over a week now and I’m surprised I’ve not pulled all of my hair out. Normally when I come here I have intentions of lasting over a week but never make it that far. It’s difficult to visit because I got myself out of this situation a long time ago, and when I’m here I feel like a child again. I have flashbacks. The energy is just really bad. However this trip has been surprisingly positive. I’m not sure how my mom lives like this. She lives a very sad depressing life. She has a hospital bed in a small room in my grandmas little trailer. She’s been in the process of building a tiny house, but it’s been post poned on being finished because someone took advantage of her situation, took her money, and didn’t do the job. She’s on a fixed income and for that the building process is being done in increments. I’ve done as much as I could. She sits between those four walls without much will for anything.

My mom was in the hospital which was my reason for coming up here. Most of you know by now she is disabled and doesn’t really have anyone. My sister was her caretaker after I moved away and since she’s been in prison mom’s just kind of been lost. Speaking of my sister, I got to visit her last week. Not only did I get to see her but I got to take my niece, her daughter, to see her for the first time. It had been 3 years since they got to see each other.
My niece is 13 and at that weird age. I know she was excited to see her mom but shes alot like her aunt in the sense that she hides her emotions. It was really great to see their interactions. I try to be the best aunt I can be, someone for Des (my niece) to look up to, confide in, trust. A motherly figure but also a friend. Since the day she was born that girl and I have been close and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. It breaks my heart knowing Ashley (my sister) is missing out on these crucial years in Destyni’s life. Those years a young lady needs her mother. She’s such a bright, beautiful little lady.

Well, Ash looked very well, better than shes looked in years. She was moved to a different institute since the last time I visited her. This one is much more lenient, and is settled in the mountains with beautiful views. She is much happier there and if she continues with good behavior in a year and a half or so she will move levels and be able to get day visits home and be able to have a normal job outside of the prison, which she is looking forward to. It’s crazy to think shes been locked up for this long. Drugs can really ruin lives, man. My sister always had a huge heart and was always a good person. Her downfall was always wanting to be accepted and loved, at whatever cost. I am a believer in second chances. Second chances are so important, we all make mistakes and we all deserve a chance to make them right. (within reason)

Im so excited for her and her life after prison. I hope I am in a position to help her in 3 years, when shes released. She still has so much life to live even after being insitutionalized after 7 years. It’s weird how her and I are the closest weve ever been now, after all of this.

She doesn’t get visitors often. In fact, she didn’t have one until after being in for a year and a half. With mom being disabled she can’t just pick up and go and I’m out of state, but I try to visit when I can.

We had to cram as much as we could into the 2 and a half hours we had.
Some of the girls formed a band and the warden finally approved them to put on a little concert. My sister sings and she was so excited to tell me about it. I learned how shes taught herself to play guitar since shes been in, on the allowed 2 hours a week. She inspired me to learn to play as well..TBC haha
She also shared some of her prison beauty tips and ways to stay sane.

I don’t know if any of you have any family members in jail or prison but if you do, you know there are alot of highs and lows. If you don’t, just appreciate the fact that youre able to touch and hug your loved ones.
Fuck, I can’t wait til she gets out and we can be a family again.
I really hope my mom is alive to see it.

I have so much faith in her to turn her life around.

Mascara- Ink pen & hair gel
Lip plumper- icy hot vaseline
Coffee for contour
She told me she was gonna grind mica to make highlighter hahaha

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