This is a huge week for #SpinningHeelKickPodcast; this Wednesday I’m releasing my exclusive talk with @zahrainchains and then will be following up with a huge announcement regarding the future of SpinningHeelKickPodcast and it’s next steps into bigger and better things
— Prince AJ (@SpinHeelKickPod) December 18, 2017
Blood runs cold
I can’t tell the difference between whats real anymore. I feel so fucking detached from everything and everyone. Can’t keep a connection because I go numb.
Years of neglect and suppression, you fucking made me this way.
I’m selfish, I’m cold, I am yours. Our blood is the same but I am not you.
Your soul is empty, your tears are dry.
You refuse to face it, to look it in the eye.
No accountability, no remorse.
Wish you were here
Nights like tonight are the kind of lonely I’m not familiar with.
The kind where I’m longing for your touch, to feel the heat come off your fingertips when you put your hand over my heart. A hurricane of emotions. But right now we are worlds apart. Two different dimensions, but when we are together not even a natural disaster would stand a chance. You felt right.
Your hand in mine felt like home. Your arms put me at ease. There was passion I didn’t even know existed.
Anything Ive said, anything I thought I felt is void now.
I don’t know where you came from, I don’t even know where you are right now, but you got me.
I know you are afraid of your own self.
So am I.
But we felt it, it was right there.
In the way we laughed, in the way we touched, in the way your fingers wrapped around my neck when I looked in your eyes, the way our shadows coexisted in the dark, in the way we said goodbye.
Then I felt it even more when I felt the disappointment, the disgust, the sadness and shame. Thats when it really hit.
I thought I locked you away in a box.
You got out.
You held me down.
To keep me from going.
Emotions ran wild.
We felt it.
From thousands of miles away we fucking felt that shit.
You were so close, but we were so far.
You showed me the person you want to be, I felt it.
But you cant be just yet.
So I locked you away in a box.
It hurts, I feel it.
I’ve got nothing but faith & heart for you.
To be the person you’ve set out to be.
I miss you, I feel it, it hurts my bones.
But atleast I’m not numb.
It is here in the late moments on the nigt when the sky is dark and the world is still, the air sends a chill through my bones as you haunt a part of me I didn’t know existed.
I found comfort in the pain of letting you engulf in my abyss, but you’re not gonna find a home within these skin and bones. There are plenty of warm bodies for you. I will not be another buried in your cemetery, but I will be the ghost to haunt you.
Hand wrote this one because I wanted to remember the way the ink looked from my trembling hand.