There was a time you were my holy grail.
You came into my life so quickly, so unexpectedly. You grew on me like wild fire, I couldn’t put you out, no matter how I tried. Life is really crazy. I’ve never thought I’ve had everything figured out, in fact its always been the opposite. You were always the most simple in the most complicated way. I knew I had to let the universe run its coarse and with us, that it did. When it comes to you I’m not really sure where my head was at, probably many different places, probably up my own ass if I am being honest. You always had a way with words, luring me in, making me believe you were as deep as an ocean. With you, my instincts were wrong. Not to say I didn’t love you, but who did I love? Which part of you. How can I know someone who doesn’t know themselves? I mean truly, who would I be loving? Which side of you? because lets be honest there were more sides to you than an octagon. But it was your complex brain that pulled me in, and your complex brain that pulled me out. Your vulnerability at times made me weak, the heart you SOMETIMES had. Why weren’t you that person all of the time? Where I come from it’s all or nothing. It’s not half in when I want, all in when its convenient. When shit hit the fan you were supposed to have my back. You knew the REAL me, the person who is literally full of love. Who wanted to save the world. Who would give my last dollar to anyone. When I lost everything? Where were you then? We don’t have the same blood pumping through our veins, I came to terms with that very quickly.
But even now, you say one thing and do another. Your actions speak for themselves. If I still had feelings for you this would be tragic. Telling me you miss me, you can’t move on, you can’t be friends, the wishy washiness. Now all I can say is thank you for showing me this type of love.
I’ve never cared about money, or fame. I care about genuinity, heart, humbleness. I used to admire you because I thought I saw strength but you’re weak. We both know how weak you are.
You and I, we weren’t cut from the same cloth. Not even close.